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TopicsWhat kind of "fighter" are you?What causes conflict? Anger and conflict Fighting fair to the rescue! Fair fighting: ground rules Fair fighting: step by step. . . When nothing seems to work Recommended reading What kind of "fighter" are you?Do You...?
What causes conflict?Conflict can arise whenever people - whether close friends, family members, co-workers, or romantic partners - disagree about their perceptions, desires, ideas, or values. These differences can range from trivial to more significant disagreements, but regardless of the content of the disagreement, conflict often stirs up strong feelings.Anger and conflictDisagreements can lead people to feel angry and hurt. Feeling angry isn't necessarily a problem if that anger is handled constructively; however, anger is often worsened by common beliefs that are not necessarily true. For example, many people learned as children that being angry means being out of control, acting childishly, or being aggressive. The truth is that anger is a normal human emotion, just as normal and healthy as joy, happiness, and sadness.Fighting fair to the rescue!Fair fighting is a way to manage conflict and the feelings that come with it effectively. To fight fairly, you just need to follow some basic guidelines to help keep your disagreements from becoming entrenched or destructive. This may be difficult when you think another's point of view is irrational or just plain unfair. But remember, he or she may think the same thing about your ideas.Fair fighting: ground rulesRemain calm. Try not to overreact to difficult situations. By remaining calm it is more likely that others will consider your viewpoint.Express feelings in words, not actions. If you start to feel so angry or upset that you feel you may lose control, take a "time out" and do something to help yourself feel calm: take a walk, do some deep breathing, play with the dog, write in your journal- whatever works for you. Be specific about what is bothering you. Vague complaints are hard to work on. Deal with only one issue at a time. Don't introduce other topics until each is fully discussed. This avoids the "kitchen sink" effect where people throw in all their complaints while not allowing anything to be resolved. No hitting below the belt. Attacking areas of personal sensitivity creates an atmosphere of distrust, anger, and vulnerability.Avoid accusations. Accusations will lead others to focus on defending themselves rather than on understanding you. Instead, talk about how someone's actions made you feel. Try not to generalize. Avoid words like "never" or "always." Such generalizations are usually inaccurate and will heighten tensions. Avoid make believe. Exaggerating or inventing a complaint - or your feelings about it - will prevent the real issues from surfacing. Stick with the facts and your honest feelings. Don't stockpile. Storing up lots of grievances and hurt feelings over time is counterproductive. It's almost impossible to deal with numerous old problems for which recollections may differ. Try to deal with problems as they arise. Avoid clamming up. Positive results can only be attained with two-way communication. When one person becomes silent and stops responding to the other, frustration and anger can result. However, if you feel yourself getting overwhelmed or shutting down, you may need to take a break from the discussion. Just let your partner know you will return to the conversation as soon as you are able and then don't forget to follow-up. Establish common ground rules. You may even want to ask your partner-in-conflict to read and discuss this information with you. When both people accept positive common ground rules for managing a conflict, resolution becomes much more likely. Fair fighting: step by step...
When nothing seems to workSometimes, despite our best fair-fighting efforts, a disagreement or conflict seems insurmountable. When this occurs, talking with a trained professional can help. A trained mediator can help you communicate more effectively and eventually work your way through to a solution. Mediation services are offered through the UT Ombudsperson's Office, (512) 471-3825. Alternatively, the UT's CMHC provides short-term counseling for individuals and couples who have difficulty managing conflicts, as well as counseling for other concerns you might have. There is also CMHC Crisis Line available 24 hours/day, 7 days/week at (512) 471-2255.Recommended readingThe Dance of Anger: A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships by Harriet Lerner. HarperCollins, 1997.Messages: The Communication Book by Matthew McKay, Martha Davis, and Patrick Fanning. New Harbinger Publications, 1995. Love is Never Enough: How Couples Can Overcome Misunderstandings, Resolve Conflicts, and Solve Relational Problems Through Cognitive Therapy by Aaron T. Beck. Harper Perennial, 1989. Fighting the Good Fight: Learning to Deal with Conflict Constructively in Permanent Partners: Building Gay and Lesbian Relationships that Last (pgs. 169-200) by Betty Berzon. Plume, 2004. How do you avoid conflict in a relationship?7 Tips for Handling Conflict In Your Relationship. Create a welcoming environment for open communication. ... . Maintain a calm and respectful demeanor during heated conversations. ... . Get to the root of the problem. ... . Watch out for arguments that stem from a need for control. ... . Find some middle-ground.. How can conflict be healthy in a relationship?Perhaps the Number One reason why conflict is healthy for relationships is that conflict signals a need for change, for both parties. Conflict provides an opportunity for making change — if both partners are up for it. Conflict gives you a chance to work on the problems in your relationship.
Which of the following are the three skills essential to good communication in relationships quizlet?Self-disclosure, listening, and feedback are skills essential to good ----- in relationships.
What is conflict in a relationship?Relationship conflict is a disagreement between people (e.g., partners, friends, siblings, or co-workers). The root of the conflict might be something like a difference of opinion, experience, taste, perspective, personality, or beliefs.
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